Author’s note: I had grand ideas for this chapter–very grand–but, because of limitations of the game, I wasn’t able to do what I wanted at all. That made me very sad. First of all, for whatever reason, the Sims don’t keep the specified outfit on when they travel, so the pictures you see won’t be consistent. Secondly, unlike TS3, the Sims don’t always stay together when they’re hanging out or on a date unless they are actually actively engaged with each other, so I wasn’t able to really “control” what the other character did or where they went. Also, there is no “fish together” interaction like “go here/sit here together.” That ruined the entire premise of today’s chapter, and I thought about scrapping the whole thing. However, a very poignant conversation was supposed to take place, and I can’t leave it out of the story. So, I’ll begin how I wanted, and then skip right to the conversation. Just pretend that fishing did happen and that there was lots of flirting and playful banter (lol). Apologies to everyone for possible confusion and not-so-great work this time around.
Melody was in the mirror all morning long primping, posing, and checking herself out. She was supposed to be going to fishing, but she wanted to make sure that she caught the attention of Mr. Pitts.
No one can resist this face.
Yes girl! You still got it.
Meanwhile, across the street, River was doing the exact same thing.
Oh yeah…you fresh, bro.
She won’t be able to resist the sexy stare.
“Can I ask you something,” River asked.
“Sure.”
“Have you forgiven your ex?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I neither have the time nor an interest in being concerned with what he needs. I mean, it was just a few months before I met you that I seriously started getting over him. He doesn’t care about about me, so why should I care about him?”
“He doesn’t need your forgiveness. But you do.”
“What? How do I need my own forgiveness? When you say to someone ‘I forgive you,’ how isn’t that for them?”
“Forgiveness is a matter of the heart. Until you forgive someone, you are dragging them around with you like dead weight. It’s not healthy. So, when you forgive, you let them go so you can free yourself. Your ex is probably somewhere not even thinking about you, but you’ve been here all these years thinking about him. You need to let him go.”
“How do you think I’m still carrying him?”
“Because of how you are with me.”
“And how’s that?”
“You keep me at arm’s length, and honestly–for now–that is fine with me. I think not repeating the past is a smart thing to do. However, you say you do it because of you, but I think you do it because of him. I think you’re afraid that I might become him, so you control our relationship. I don’t even have the opportunity to prove to you that I’m not him. He’s interfering with us, and he’s not even here! You need to forgive him and let him go so our relationship can be about us.”
“Ok. I can admit that I’m afraid of that. But how can I just let him get away with it? He can’t get away scott free!”
“He won’t! Forgiveness is not about absolving someone of their wrong doings. He’s still guilty, he will always be guilty, and he will suffer whatever consequences that he’s supposed to suffer. When you forgive, you let go of all feelings of resentment and vengeance and refuse to allow them to control you anymore. Let the Watcher take care of the rest.”
She sat and thought about everything he said. There was only one thing she wanted more than finding new love and that was being rid of the pain that Paxton caused. Forgiveness sounded like a good idea, but she wasn’t sure if she could do it.
“But how could I even do it? He’s somewhere unreachable in the desert! I couldn’t talk to him even if I wanted to.”
“Write him a letter. Shoot him an email even. Remember, this is for you to get whatever it is that you need to say out. He doesn’t necessarily need to hear it.”
“Is this what you did with your ex? You wrote her a letter?”
“Yeah. I mailed it to her, but I didn’t care if I got a response back because I honestly let her go. I never heard from her, and I was perfectly ok with it.”
They sat in silence for a while as they thought about their lives.
“Riv?”
“Yes, Melody?”
“You’re my best friend. I actually don’t have any other friends outside of my family, but if I had some, you’d still be the best.”
“I’m honored that you would say that.”
“It’s true. I want you to be in my life forever.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
And so then what happens if Riv turns out to be a jerk?
I’m personally the king of defensive walls. I even have a moat filled with man-eating crocodiles . lol
I have a lot of thoughts on the concept of forgiveness, especially in regards to defining it and how people place the blame or burden on the victim by telling them they need to forgive and if they don’t it’s their loss and their fault. It’s basically another form of re-victimization. People always have the “You need to forgive” conversation, a lot less often than we have the “You need to make a sincere apology and make amends to help this person heal, because you were wrong” conversation. Uh, oh, I feel a thesis coming, but I’ll keep it brief and just throw some things out there:
-I have noticed that when and if The Apology comes, sometimes it’s too little, too late. I waited for an apology for a little more than 20 years of my life, and when I finally got it I realized that it didn’t change anything.
-There’s this quote I heard on Oprah, I’m not sure it’s hers, but it says “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.”
-I also think that forgiveness comes with forgiving ourselves. Sometimes we blame ourselves for what others did to us (like feeling stupid for even putting yourself in that situation) and we carry that around. Sometimes forgiveness has nothing to do with the person who offends us.
I love this! I knew this topic was going to be a bit touchy. I actually spent almost a week writing it and rewriting it, and honestly I’m still not sure if I got it right lol. I’m a fan of forgiveness, so obviously we’re gonna be on slightly different sides of this coin 🙂 I have some thoughts on your comment about the apology, but I’ll keep them to myself. But I agree completely with what you said about forgiving yourself. I think you need to do both. That makes me think though because I wasn’t thinking about that when I was writing the next chapter I’m about to post. It’s Melody’s email to Paxton. She says in the beginning (and she’s actually said it a few times previously) that she doesn’t blame him for everything and she takes ownership for the part she played in things going bust. For me, that was a huge step for her because previously she did blame him for everything, and so I use that to show her growth. But, now I’m wondering where is the line drawn between forgiving yourself and moving on and being cautious not to repeat the past. Some would say that they’re related and should both happen, but I’m not sure. I already have the next five chapters written, so of course everything works fine. Let me know what you think about tomorrow’s post.
Looking forward to it!
Well, maybe this River guy isn’t so much of corny try-hard as I thought he was at first. He gave her some helpful words. Hopefully they’ll sink in.
He’s awesome, and…she’s grown up! That’s all I’ll say about that! 🙂
Ooh, interesting. Personally I find internal forgiveness sufficient, letting the past go altogether. But I suppose an external act towards the person could help fuel it.
As for the fishing, yeah it’s lame, I don’t understand why that of all things can’t be a group activity…
It really plums that people can’t fish together in TS4. Still a great chapter!
Thank you!
I love this conversation, and until ‘Riv’ (love that nickname btw) mentioned it I didn’t put two and two together. Was she truly keeping him at arms length to control the situation? Or was she truly taking it slow because she didn’t want to repeat past mistakes? Maybe a bit of both, but I do agree that she needs to completely let her past go and forgive not just him, but herself. I think we tend to get in our own way sometimes. Great chapter.
You know what? I didn’t realize it either until I wrote this! LOL, I have no idea if it’s true…although I probably should 😛 I feel like it was both too. I thin what happened was up until then, I always wrote from her perspective. So, I thought she was truly trying to go slow to not repeat the past. But when I had to think from his perspective, I was like hmmmm…maybe it could be something else too!
River is amazingly sensitive and insightful! He’s totally right saying that Melody should forgive Paxton for her own sake. In some cases, the pain won’t even leave completely after forgiving but she needs this step to be able to make others. My aunt was married with a man who was the love of her life for many years. Some years ago the man changed, only using her money to save his bankrupt business and not even thanking her for working, caring for three children and heaving the household along the way so slowly but surely, she was driven into burnout. In the end he went even as far as to have a secret lover and threaten her with a knife in the hand!
Of course they’re not together any more but for a long time, she just couldn’t let go of her children and that the two boys wanted to stay with their father almost broke her entirely. One day she entrusted them to God and decided to forgive the man. I don’t claim she didn’t have problems from then on, they didn’t exactly just disappear. But forgiving her ex-husband made it easier to go on and accept that he’d be a part of her childrens’ lives too.
So, uh, all that actually should only show how true River’s statement is. 😀
Wow! What a story! It’s amazing how things work out when you put them in God’s hands. I haven’t been hurt like that before, but I understand and am a fan of forgiveness.