After Julian “broke up” with Rose, he went to the park to clear his head. His next move was to speak with Jeannette, and he needed to prepare what he was going to say to her. Despite the fact that he was trying to tell her how he felt the other day, he had a feeling that Jeannette would be more focused on the fact that there was someone else. He took a seat on the boardwalk to think.
I’m sorry…no, that’s so lame.
I wasn’t expecting Ro–no, it sounds like admitting guilt.
I really wished you would have stayed to hear me out…nah. Sounds like I’m blaming her.
Nothing he came up with worked, so he got up and walked around. He went to the spot where he and Jeannette used to cloud gaze and lay down. Being in that spot without her made him miss her even more. Julian didn’t quite understand his affinity for cloud gazing either. All he knew was that the world always seemed more beautiful and made more sense while laying on his back staring at clouds.
Jeannette…you were right, and I’m a plumhead. I know you feel hurt and betrayed by finding out about Rose, and I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?
Hmmm…that could work…
It was a nice day, and Julian noticed that he was more focused and refreshed than he ever was. Perhaps it was because, for the first time since childhood, he wasn’t pretending to be something he wasn’t, hiding feelings, or trying to force some. His heart was clear and his mind was free. He vowed that he would never deceive himself in those ways ever again. Self-deception is a deep pit to escape from. Truth was now his cup of tea.
After a few extra minutes of cloud gazing, he felt courageous enough to head over to Jeannette’s house. But, when he stood up, he saw a scene he never expected to see.
Julian couldn’t believe what he was looking at. He couldn’t form any rational thoughts. Nothing about this scene made sense to him.
What the plum?! She’s supposed to be waiting for me!!
He was angry.
He had never been so angry in all his life. He was angry at her for being mad at him for dating someone else while she was also dating someone else. He was angry at the other guy for being suave enough to whisk her away from all the ideas and plans she had made for their life together. But, most of all, he was angry with himself. He was angry for being a blind, stupid, plumhead who had exactly what he wanted right in his hand the entire time. He was angry about his relationship with Rose. He was angry that, when he finally got around to fix things with Jeannette, his moment was stolen from him…just like all the years he stole from Jeannette.
He couldn’t bring himself to confront her because no matter how he would try to portray her, the fault would still be his own. Instead, he stormed out of the park hoping she didn’t see him. He went home and tried to expend some energy on the punching bag, but it didn’t help. He tried jogging, but he was still fuming. Eventually, he gave up and went up to his room and stewed until he went to sleep.