Chapter 39: Grown LIttle People

I’m not happy. I don’t know who these grown little people are who live here! It’s like I have a completely different family now.

I have grown little people giving my wife attitude…


Grown little people inviting other grown little people to my house without my permission…every day…


Grown little people who talk crazy to me…


Who are these people?!

My poor Jazzy…she is the most tragic of them all. I feel like I have lost my baby…my sweet princess! She is actually insane. Not insane in the sense that parents use when their children go wild. No. My first born…my precious angel is actually insane! It breaks my heart to see her like that.


She talks to herself, goes on and on about conspiracy theories, and she claims that there are voices in her head that speak the language of love! Because of that, she is ALWAYS in a flirty mood. ALWAYS!!! My poor child. Remember those three guys she invited to the party? Well, she has had all of them over quite often since then.

As a matter of fact, one Saturday, she had them ALL over on the SAME day!! She invited one over early in the morning.
When he left, she invited another one.
And then when he left, she invited the other one!
I don’t know what she’s up to, but they all have a crush on her. I don’t even know what to say to her. I mean, she’s 18 now, and she can make her own decisions so there isn’t much I can actually say. It just breaks my heart. I didn’t raise her to be this way! I really really really hope that she’s just trying to narrow down which one she likes the best because her ultimate goal in life is to have a big happy family. Even still…she doesn’t have to rush this! I hope she doesn’t think that because Dee and I got married young that she has to rush and get married. That I can talk to her about 18 or no 18!

Somehow I feel that my kids’ craziness is all my fault. You know, like, maybe I work too much. Maybe I didn’t spend enough time with them. Maybe Dee and I left them home alone too much because we were both working. Maybe I should quit my job! I make a ton of money every day on book royalties, but what would I do all day? My baby son is no longer a baby, and hopefully we won’t be having any more. Have I failed as a father already? I know I’m not an exceptionally good one, but I don’t think I’m bad one either! What am I going to do about my children? This is not what I imagined fatherhood to be. This isn’t what I wanted! NONE OF THIS IS RIGHT!!

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